"To ask the hard question is simple." -W.H. Auden
Countries Travelled

 

The Visa runs of Malaysia and Singapore

It has been proved by myself, that with increasing time spent away from work and having fun each day, your brain capacity shrinks and becomes in-operational. I'm sure I never used to be this stupid.

Jeff and I planned our two week vacation to coincide with passport renewals by myself in Kuala Lumpur, and Jeff in Singapore. A simple task accompanied by all the correct documentation. I pass my time waiting in the broom cupboard known as the passport office, enduring a 90 degree heat, with the general public who refuse to wear deodorant, but are keen on wearing nylon fabrics and eating curry to enhance their natural aroma. A pleasure for an entire hour, while Jeff endured 110 degree heat outside without shade, water or money as I had it all in the bag. All because he was refused entry due to wearing shorts, which is inadmissible to the idiot guards on the security gate who find it amusing to watch us westerners slowly shrivel and die with heat exhaustion.

I duly handed in my passport and documentation. Unfortunately it was at this time that my brain took leave of absence without notification and took a further 24 hours to return. For some obscure reason I believed that my passport had been given back to me, along with the receipt for payment for the visa, and I could return in a few more days to pick it up. Even though the visa had to be placed in my passport! In my head this meant I could travel to Singapore and complete Jeff's renewal in Singapore and finish off some more shopping. Meeting Jeff outside flustered me as he was not a happy man in the midst of death throws, verbally lashing out a little as he had no water and sunburnt himself, and of course I had the money for the water...oops.

We depart for the bus station, buying our tickets to Singapore in gay reverie at the thought of so many shops to be explored. But first, 6 hours stuck on a bus with nylon wearing curry sweating public persons. We arrive late at the border about 11pm, and try to cross it. For some reason I can't find my passport, and this is when the panic starts. Stop, breath, think and act does not help in this situation. Instead do the following:

1. Open your eyes very wide, and stare at Jeff as if this will help it materialize out of thin air. Then stand frozen to the floor like a moron, as he searches all the luggage.
2. Stare hard at the customs officials and beg them to let you in to the country so you can get to the embassy to order another passport
3. Insist your boyfriend goes into Singapore if you can't, saying you'll join him later, knowing you will kill him if he does
4. Ring the police in KL and try and make them understand that you lost your passport in the back of a taxi (which is where I was certain I had left it). When you have language problems, raise your voice, scream at the them down the phone. Hang up. Ring them back and cry, then tell them to stick their useless service where the sun doesn't shine for being so unhelpful
5. Buy another ticket back to KL and get on the bus with your supportive boyfriend who isn't saying much because he is wondering why he's with such an idiot in the first place.

In the morning, still under the influence of a panic induced state of mind, I try to call the embassy where my visa is being obtained just to make sure that I didn't leave it there. It's around this time that things start to click, as my brain makes a gradual re-entry into my head. Surely they must retain my passport to place the visa inside? And haven't they done this every-time I've made this visa run over 2 years? As the phone is answered, for the first time I bother to look at the receipt to check for a reference code, and there it is written in black and white that they have my passport and I can pick it up the next day.

Ashamed and scared to tell Jeff that I just made him travel for 10-12 hours on a bus because I didn't check a receipt which I had with me all the time, and would have taken two seconds to look at it. Embarrassed that I acted like a complete jack-ass to the police when none of this was their fault. And never cry in front of customs, they are heartless.

We made it to Singapore, with my dignity in shreds, Jeff taking any opportunity to remind me of my errors (about every 5 seconds), and my brain stuck with super glue to my head so it can't take leave of absence again.

Re-entry into the western world is going to cause me some problems, and I'm considering a rehabilitation clinic for restoration of the mind and intelligence. Advice required...