Travelling Swift

Stories from a Single, White, Idiotic, Female, Traveller

Bali

Paradise Number two - Bali and marriage proposals

I could tell you about the beautiful stretches of beaches filled with hunky surfers falling off their boards. The intricate workings on every building making even the most salubrious ramshackle resemble an ancient palace. Rice fields tiered in greens too rich for the imagination alone to believe. And the people are the friendliest race I have ever encountered. But instead I thought I would tell you about my usual 'Emma-esque' adventures.

The Elephant Cave Trail

Trusting my lonely planet (stupid move) I embark on a tour, wistful for adventure where Lara Croft meets Indiana Jones. Having walked two miles in a circle I succumb to the more feminine of my genes, and ask directions from toothless old men, resorting to trumpeting like an elephant in an attempt to be understood. Five miles later I arrive drenched in sweat, legs buckling.

Inside the cave is dark and dank where they're making offering's and dousing people with less than clean water. Wishing to escape Dengue fever I make a hasty retreat, though not before being robbed of a few Rupia for a blessing and a flower in my ear.

As I start my intrepid adventure I am met by a local woodcarver intent on showing me the real jungle, and all for free (western suspicion ever present in my mind). As we trek further in, he asks if I wish to go swimming in the cleansing pools (translate as muddied) to which I decline having no swimsuit. Apparently this is not a problem as nudity is normal within his religion. Considering you're not allowed in a temple without covering virtually each exposed piece of flesh I am a little mistrustful. However when he scales an orange tree fruit I spy the local women doing exactly this.

Further in we go with not another soul in sight, until we reach a crossing which he nimbly sidesteps over. Two pieces of bamboo suspended over a twenty foot ravine with nothing to hold onto is not my idea of a crossing. With my toes hanging over one edge and my heels over the other I slowly cross. Panicking mid-way when I start to lose my balance, realizing that this was made for their slightness and not my western (I've eaten too many pancakes again) weight. I make it, with legs trembling and heart pulse racing as if I've run a marathon. On we go, well there was no way I was going to go backwards over that thing again.

Unfortunately it would seem that the only way forward would have to involve me wading through chest high water, and yep no 'cossie' to throw on. Following someone else's bare bum when they're smaller than mine was not in my guide book. Fear set's in again as I think about the leeches and the tree roots coming alive to suck me under, but it's either that or be airlifted out as there is no way I'm crossing two pieces of bamboo again.

A short rest, then a Tarzan/Jane style rock climb up the sheer ravine with tree roots for support, but no chimpanzee to laugh at me. Then it's time to meet the family!

Father deciphers in broken english in one minute flat that I'm single, and therefore would I like to marry his son. His son wants a tall white skinned woman so that his next generation will be taller and beautiful (am I the last romantic that thinks love should be a part of this arrangement too?). A coffee and a bag full of oranges later we take a tour of his other houses and land to see if would be acceptable for me, and if I like them he will give them to me. Politely declining, we set off on the scooter which doesn't have the suspension set for the likes of me, as the bottom scrapes over every bump along the way back to the security of my homestay.

I manage to escape with a phone number and address should I ever return that way, where I can stay with him and make a home as his wife. Needless to say I'm running off to the island's tomorrow.